When we vow to love each other for better or for worse, we tend to picture dramatic situations. I vow to love you even when you break your leg, we think, dreamy-eyed, as we gaze into the equal dreaminess of our partner’s eyes.
We’re not really thinking about how annoying it will be when spouses mutter in their sleep, leave their wet towels on the floor, correct our grammar, start eating when we get to the dinner table, and eat our snacks without asking.
Marriage can be wonderful, but what do you do when your spouse starts getting on your nerves?
When the less blissful side of marriage rears its ugly head at some point, here are simple steps for cultivating a healthy relationship.
Keep trying new things
Over time, some of the magic can fade. Instead of accepting monotony, keep things different. Go on different dates, to new restaurants. Try new activities. Pick up a new hobby together. Keep things spontaneous in the bedroom with men and womens lingerie. Keep experimenting in every area of your marriage, and enjoy all the new adventures you can find together.
When you’re mad at your spouse, it’s easy to sulk and make them try to guess what’s wrong. Sometimes, we bottle up our feelings and stew for weeks. Don’t let your communication fall to the wayside, especially over things that are bothering you. Make sure you and your spouse know the basic communication skills it takes to succeed. If your family was too harsh during arguments, or if you avoided conflict altogether, you may need to treat communication like a new language: take some classes. Use “I feel” instead of “you did” and keep things calm and kind.
Learn what makes them happy
What really puts your spouse into a good mood? Is it when you do the dishes? Bring home some food? Make a list of everything you can think of. Besides gestures, you should make sure you speak positively to your spouse every day. You don’t have to sound like a 50s sitcom, but you should thank your spouse when they do something you appreciate, like work overtime, get groceries, and clean — even if happens every day. Flirt a little and keep positive affirmation a regular part of your lives.
Say yes, already
Does your spouse want something that you’re just not willing to give into? Maybe moving closer to the city, planting vegetables all over the backyard, or installing a pool. You might hate the idea of being “that house” with all the tomatoes, and you might not like the idea of paying for a pool, but take a minute to consider how much a yes would really cost. If it thrilled your spouse, wouldn’t it be worth it? Talk to pool builders in Brisbane about options and discounts and surprise your spouse with what they’re really hoping for.
Marriage can be difficult, but our behaviors tend to cycle and grow. If you can keep good things growing, you’ll be able to keep your marriage in a good place for years to come.