When I turned 38 last year last year I noticed my life was in a bit of a rut. I woke up on my birthday and just felt like something was missing. Immediately I assumed it was because I was alone and not in a relationship so I frantically began dating as the fear of growing old by myself began to loom over my head.
For months I spent hours on dating apps messaging hundreds of women and going on endless dates. Each one left me feeling more depressed about my situation. After speaking with a friend about what I was going through, she recommended that I try working with an online life coach.
I had heard of these coaches but always felt kind of strange going to someone who would tell me what to do with my life. But after a couple of more months of dreadful dating, I was willing to try anything to see what I was doing wrong and boy am I glad I did.
Once I began meeting with my life coach he was quickly able to reflect to me what I was doing wrong and how to improve my situation and here is a brief summary of three important things I learned during our sessions:
1. Love Yourself First
Before anyone else can love you, you have to truly love yourself first. To be totally honest, I never really established a strong relationship with myself. I dreaded being alone and never had a solid understanding of who I am, what I want, and what makes me happy.
So before I began dating again I worked on discovering who I am and being happy with the person I see in the mirror.
2. Become Interesting
My life coach quickly pointed out that “Like attracts like” and that if I wanted to attract an interesting person into my life, I needed to become an interesting person myself. Frankly, I was like a hamster caught in a wheel doing the same old boring stuff and not doing anything to improve myself in any way.
I quickly realized that if I did not want to end up with a boring person that I would need to become the type of person I would want to date.
3. Understand What A Relationship Really Is
Prior to my personal life coaching sessions I had always seen relationships as a way to fill a void in the same way addicts use alcohol or drugs. Because I never had a strong sense of self or healthy relationships with my family I sought relationships as a way fill the gap.
But once I began to understand that relationships are a dynamic between two people that help each other to learn and grow while also sharing good and difficult times with each other, I began to approach dating in a whole new way.
While I am still on my journey of self discovery, I truly feel I have a healthier perspective in how I approach dating and the opposite sex.