When you share children with your ex, it’s important to remember that while you are no longer a married couple, you are still both parents and need to act as team members. Your children will continue to love both of you as much as ever following a divorce and will need each of you involved in their lives. To ensure that your kids transition through the breakup and thrive in the future, it’s important to make sure that you’re focused on properly co-parenting. We’ve listed a few tips to make it easier to provide the best for your children when you and your spouse part ways.
Stay Amicable for the Sake of the Children.
Very rarely do people who are getting divorced consider their ex to be their best friend, and no one expects that of you. However, for the sake of your children, it’s important that you stay at least amicable with one another. Agree not to talk about the breakup, your failed relationship, or what is happening in court in front of the children. Resolve to treat your ex with respect, even if you don’t feel like he or she deserves it. Remember, while your ex may not have earned anything from you, your kids deserve to be raised in a situation where their parents attempt to get along with one another. Rather than looking at your ex as the partner who hurt you, resolve to treat them as well as you would a co-worker – after all, you’re both working toward the same goal of raising healthy, well-balanced children to adulthood.
Divorces typically come with intense betrayal, hurt, and disappointment. Most severed marriages include adultery, addiction, or misappropriation of money and, no matter what side of an issue you’re on, it’s unlikely that you are leaving the relationship without some very serious wounds to your emotional well-being. While no one is asking you to forget what your ex did to you in the past or let them hurt you again, co-parenting involves embracing forgiveness. Let yourself release the baggage of the past and instead focus on making a better tomorrow for your changing family. If you find yourself dealing with more baggage than you can handle, consider talking to a professional counselor or therapist.
Learn How to Communicate.
Since communication problems are often a major role in the breaking of a relationship, you’re not likely to become a great talker around your ex now that you’ve parted ways. While you’re probably not ready to gab away with your ex for hours, it’s important to develop some healthy communication skills so you can share valuable information about your children. Resolve to stay pleasant during conversations, keep your focus on the kids and the issue at hand, and don’t bring problems from the past into what you are saying. If conversations need to be kept short, that’s fine — it’s only necessary to talk long enough to relay important information.
No one said that co-parenting is fun; however, by using the tips listed above, you can make it a reality. If you ever doubt that it’s worth the effort, look at your children and remind yourself that they are worth everything! Good co-parenting is one of your major tools in ensuring they have a bright and healthy future.